"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
"Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member."
"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know."
"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana."
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."